How to Talk About Moving to Assisted Living

Whether it is your parent or spouse that needs additional care, knowing how to talk about moving to assisted living is a delicate process. There may come a time when you realize that they need more care than you can provide. That’s why talking about long-term care plans like assisted living is important in relieving stress later on. Unfortunately, most people don’t plan for this type of care on their own, which is detrimental to their aging plan as most people will need some form of long-term care.

How to Talk About Moving to Assisted Living

Do Your Homework

Sometimes in life, we need to have tough conversations. And as difficult as it may seem, it’s much easier to learn as much as you can about the topic under discussion beforehand. This way, you can answer any questions that may arise and assuage any fears or apprehensions with facts. It may even be helpful to have a few websites saved to look through together. The fact is, the more information you can gather ahead of time, the easier  the conversation will be.

Let Them Know You Love and Support Them

Though it is often the best thing for everyone involved, the decision to move to assisted living is a big adjustment. This means you should expect a lot of mixed emotions, especially if downsizing is necessary. Going through old belongings and getting rid of things can make your parent or partner feel as though they are mourning a loss. 

Be sure to let them know that you are there to support them with this transition in any and every way you can. 

Understand that it is Ultimately Their Decision

When having any type of serious conversation, it is important to listen and acknowledge the other person’s concerns. They may have anxieties you didn’t consider.

Often, the problem that arises when discussing a move to assisted living is the child or spouse tries to resolve the issue of their parent or partner’s declining health without listening to their needs.

During this conversation, try to communicate that you care for them without making them feel like you are trying to control them. Let them know that the decision is still up to them.

Let Your Family Be Involved in the Process

If you are their spouse or child, you will likely be the first to notice the challenges of declining health or mobility. Be sure to involve your children, if you have any, or your healthy parent in the process so they have the option to voice their concerns as well. This is an all-hands-on-deck approach and it can help your relative tremendously to know that they have the emotional support of the family. 

If the process remains difficult, perhaps you could ask a family counselor to help support and guide you through the process.

Things Not to Say

Sometimes it’s just as important to know what not to say as it is to say the right things. Assisted living can be a very touchy subject for some, but even if they are amenable to the situation, they still don’t want to be patronized or talked down to. Some things you should avoid saying are:

• You’ll make new friends
• Change is a good thing
• It’s better than living alone
• You’ll get used to it

These things can sound dismissive of what your parent or partner is going through. Sounding too excited about moving to assisted living can make them feel as though you are trying to get rid of a problem rather than treating them as a person with their own wants and needs. Whereas, on the other end of the spectrum, sounding worried can make them feel frightened.

When discussing assisted living as an option, try coming up with pros and cons so they know you are taking their desires into consideration.

They May Prefer to Live on Their Own

Though you may feel bad for not being able to care for them, they may choose to live on their own anyway. 90% of adults over 65 want to age in place. One study found that people are five times more frightened of becoming a burden to their family than dying itself. 

Just try to understand that even if they recognize that assisted living might be a good idea, it may take some time for them to act on it. 

Wondering if your parent or spouse might be ready for assisted living but don’t know what the next step is? Check out our free eBook, Assisted Living and Older Adults!