How to Support Someone Grieving

Blog Category: Hospice

If someone you know is grieving a loss, you want to be the best support for them you can be. While every person and their circumstances are unique, here are some general tips to help them better during this time with more sensitivity and action.

Understanding Grief

Depending on this person’s situation, they could be dealing with various forms of grief. If the person they’re grieving is in hospice, they could be going through anticipatory grief. If the loss they’re experiencing is affecting multiple areas of their life, they could be going through secondary loss. They could also move through the stages of grief in a different order or mask their grief from the people who love them. It’s important to learn more about what grief is, what it can look like, and how this person’s unique personality and circumstance can make it appear differently than you might expect.

Find the Best Words

People are often more sensitive to the interactions they have with others when they’re grieving. Consider the following language to implement or avoid so you can best communicate with them:

  • Avoid Judgment: You cannot hasten or change their grieving process, so it’s important to allow them to grieve how and when they need to, as long as they are not hurting themselves.
  • Expressing Sympathy: Avoid toxic positivity statements that cap a person’s experience with loss, such as “It’s for the best.” Instead, be the first to reach out and let them know you’re thinking of them. On that same note, don’t push your beliefs on them if that’s not their belief. Find a way to express your sympathy that resonates with them, not what comforts you.
  • Greetings: Avoid asking, “How are you?” It’s the same question you would ask anyone, and it’s also obvious this is not a good time the person is going through. Instead, ask how they are feeling today, as it’s a more open conversation starter that can lead to more communication.
  • Lend Your Ear: People often work through grief and trauma by telling the same things over and over again with little variation, so if you can be a sympathetic ear and allow them to share whatever they’re able to, that’s a fantastic quality. They just want your understanding, so don’t offer advice unless they ask for it.
  • Offer Hope: Find balance in providing positive thoughts and encouragement with acknowledgment of their feelings and need to grieve. Say something that embodies this delicate expression like, “Grieve however long you need to, but know that you are a strong person who will get through this.” You’re also allowed to acknowledge how sad the situation is when they want to express their anger and discomfort.
  • Use Names: There’s no point in skirting around the name of the loved one in hospice care or who has passed. They’re a part of the person’s life that you’re supporting, so it’s best to be open to talk about them and use their name.
  • Volunteer: When you want to offer your help, avoid asking them to let them know “if there’s anything I can do to help.” This statement is too open-ended as there are so many things that can be done to support them, and it puts the burden on them to think about what needs to be done and assign it to you. Instead, offer direct help with “can I bring you dinner later,” or “can I clean your kitchen for you?”

Take the Weight Off Their Shoulders

There are a million things on a person’s mind when they’re grieving, and a million more things they have to take care of that might go to the wayside. You can offer to handle a variety of things for them:

  • Cooking dinner, cleaning, doing laundry, and other house chores
  • Handling funeral duties, such as the obituary and thank you notes
  • Help sort through their loved one’s belongings
  • Help them organize finances and bills
  • Look after their children or pet
  • Running simple errands to the store or carpooling

Go Out

It’s important to find your way back into living a fulfilling life after grieving a loss. Help the grieving person ease their way into fun excursions again and fight social isolation. This could be going out to dinner, hosting a gathering, getting friends together, or taking a trip somewhere fun or memorable. If the holidays are rolling around, invite them to spend that time with you because they may not have the company to be with or the energy to make it magical for themselves. This is a great opportunity to find and continue companionship with the people they love and new people who positively influence their life. Of course, be mindful of their feelings and boundaries. They may not feel ready for some things, but they will also need you to help bring them out of their shell to continue their life and return to their routines and relationships.

Learn more about our individualized comprehensive care program designed to meet the physical, social, emotional, and spiritual needs of our patients here.

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